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Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
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They're creepy and they're kooky
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Mysterious and spooky
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They're altogether ooky
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The Addams family
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The house is a museum
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When people come to see 'em
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They really are a scream
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The Addams family
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MAN: Neat.
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Sweet.
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Petite.
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So get a witch 's shawl on
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A broomstick you can crawl on
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We're gonna pay a call on
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The Addams family
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See the spider on the maypole
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Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
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That was lovely, darling.
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Those old English madrigals
are enchanting.
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A bit sentimental, but lovely.
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Madrigals. Paintings.
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I should've gone on that toad hunt
with Mama.
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How long do I have
to hold this silly pose, Morticia?
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We'll take a break
in a few minutes, Uncle Fester.
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Just hold still.
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My dear, there is no end to your talents.
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That is Uncle Fester.
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The twinkle in the eye,
the inscrutable smile.
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Darling, I haven't even started
on Uncle Fester yet.
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To be sure.
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But then,
you've always had a way with skulls.
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Uncle Fester, what are you doing
with my piggy bank?
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Is that your piggy bank?
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It doesn't look like a pig.
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Anyway, I'm posing.
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Don't you ever spend any money?
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Your mother is painting
the gravedigger scene from Hamlet.
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"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio."
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That's one of the most hilarious things
old Shakespeare ever wrote.
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He always tickled me so.
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Mama's landed.
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Seems mighty careless.
We'd better have a look.
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Oh, man. Like, where am l?
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Oh, forget it, Dad. I know.
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Nice and clammy.
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You had us frightened, young man.
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You got me a little frightened right now,
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but a couple of aspirin
and it's gonesville for you spooks.
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Spooks!
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Well, now, there's
no need for flattery.
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Thank you.
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I think I'd better get him some
of Mama's painkillers.
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They're absolutely unbelievable.
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Hey, you cats are for real.
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Cats? Well, you must mean Kitty.
She's real, all right.
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Oh, man, I'm wracked up worse
than I thought.
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Nonsense. You'll be all right.
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A couple of clean breaks,
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but Uncle Fester will have you fixed up
in no time.
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-Right!
-I better see about those pills.
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-All right. Cool it, man. I'm fine. I'm okay.
-Glad to hear it, son.
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Your motorcycle's fine, too.
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Frame was cracked in a couple of spots,
but I welded them up.
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Oh, the bike.
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You'll need a new drive chain, too.
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Yeah, well, just send the bill
to the dead-letter office, will you?
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Hey, look, before I cut out of here,
fill me in, will you?
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What's with all these oddballs
around here?
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Oddballs?
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What oddballs?
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They went thataway.
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Oh, this I gotta see.
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You kids really live in this crumb box?
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We like it. It's so nice and eerie.
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I wish I could say as much
for the coop I just flew.
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You mean you don't like your home?
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Oh, sure, sure.
Like a stir bird loves his cell.
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-Dig?
-Only graves.
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You break me up, sawed-off.
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Look, where's my box?
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That's pretty.
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Could you please play some more, sir?
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Look, catch my act at Carnegie Hall,
will you?
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Children, who wants
to help Mother pluck the albatross?
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-I do! It's my turn!
-It's my turn!
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Here we are.
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Swallow this pill. You'll be a new man.
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I'd rather stick with the old one.
Look, you take it.
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Well, thank you.
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By Jove, that hit the spot.
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I really needed that.
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What's this?
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Don't tell me.
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A modern streamlined flail.
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A flail?
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We seem to have mutual interests.
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I'm a devotee of weaponry, too.
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Much to be said for the sturdy design
of the older model,
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but for skull-point accuracy
I'll take this one anytime.
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Are you putting me on, man?
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"Putting me on."
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You certainly turn a colorful phrase.
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-Look, don't bug me.
-Bug me. Sounds Elizabethan.
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I'll have to check that.
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Mrs. Addams and I are fascinated
by the study of language and philology.
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And your jacket is very interesting, too.
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Nice touch of an ancient coat of arms.
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-Who's your tailor?
-Tailor?
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-War surplus.
-War surplus?
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Listen, man, I need that part.
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But pronto,
so I'm not fooling around with no peasant.
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Get me the top cat, like right now.
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I'm so sorry the young man
wouldn't join us.
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Yes.
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Casserole of spleen
is tastier than ever, Lurch.
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It's that pinch of hemlock, sir.
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Darling, have you noticed
how much livelier things have been
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since our young friend dropped in?
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Yes, just being with a fine,
upstanding man like that
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makes you feel good all over, doesn't it?
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Listen, meathead,
I don't care if you are the top cat.
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Like, I want some action, huh?
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It's only a crummy motorcycle part,
so let's get with it, man.
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Well, check and double-check, will you?
Why don't you geese get organized?
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Never heard such descriptive language.
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Such rhythm. Such cadence.
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A complete individualist.
129
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And we thought good breeding
was a thing of the past.
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I dig him the most.
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Crazy.
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See, it's all a matter of exposure.
It's rubbing off on them already.
133
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How soon can you get it over here?
134
00:08:03,097 --> 00:08:05,895
Tomorrow? But, man, you don't know
what I'm up against.
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I'll go ape if I have to have to drag
my anchor around here till tomorrow.
136
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Any news, Rocky?
137
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Oh, yeah, like, the greatest.
138
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Splendid. Perhaps you can join us after all.
139
00:08:17,411 --> 00:08:18,639
No, thanks. I'm not hungry.
140
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Come, now.
141
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Show me the man who can resist
my dear wife's puree of sea slug.
142
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You're looking at him.
143
00:08:25,299 --> 00:08:28,291
-How do you feel about braised giraffe?
-Awful.
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Look, look, I'll dig you people later.
I'm gonna cut out for a pad somewhere.
145
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And if the motorcycle part gets here,
well, then l...
146
00:08:35,606 --> 00:08:37,995
-What's the matter, Rocky?
-My knee, my knee.
147
00:08:38,194 --> 00:08:41,425
Well, you're lucky it happened here.
Morticia's a great hand at first aid.
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Born with a red thumb.
149
00:08:45,997 --> 00:08:49,148
-You rang?
-Lurch, hot oil and plenty of it.
150
00:08:49,419 --> 00:08:51,375
And a good stout length of rope.
151
00:08:53,050 --> 00:08:55,564
And Lurch, don't forget the leeches.
152
00:08:56,764 --> 00:08:58,402
GOMEZ: Better dust off the rack.
153
00:09:05,069 --> 00:09:06,707
How is our little patient?
154
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:12,347
Nothing like a good, old-fashioned pillory
for complete rest. My dear?
155
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Uh-huh.
156
00:09:17,296 --> 00:09:18,649
You're still feeling any pain?
157
00:09:18,798 --> 00:09:20,709
Lady, after this I don't even feel my leg.
158
00:09:20,885 --> 00:09:23,001
Good. A sign of healing.
159
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Here we are.
160
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I'm sure you'll be very comfortable on this.
161
00:09:34,573 --> 00:09:35,562
You wanna bet?
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00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,736
Can't beat this for solid comfort.
163
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Yeah, solid.
164
00:09:40,165 --> 00:09:43,441
Now, Rocky, I'm sure you're very tired
and you'd like to rest.
165
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If there's anything else you want,
just shriek.
166
00:10:31,536 --> 00:10:33,572
Come on, curly.
How much longer on this gig?
167
00:10:33,748 --> 00:10:34,897
Cool it, Rock.
168
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Couple of flips of the wrist and coolsville.
169
00:10:39,883 --> 00:10:41,236
I'll grab my gear.
170
00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:58,781
No one, but no one, can capture
the wistful expression of a hyena
171
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Iike you, dear.
172
00:11:01,917 --> 00:11:02,906
Tish?
173
00:11:04,171 --> 00:11:05,240
Tish?
174
00:11:05,464 --> 00:11:06,533
Woolgathering again?
175
00:11:06,674 --> 00:11:08,983
I'm sorry, darling. I was just thinking.
176
00:11:09,262 --> 00:11:10,331
About Rocky?
177
00:11:10,472 --> 00:11:11,587
Mmm.
178
00:11:11,724 --> 00:11:14,318
You know, the children are becoming
very fond of him.
179
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,635
Yes.
180
00:11:15,772 --> 00:11:18,684
And he can't quite hide his affection
for them, either.
181
00:11:18,902 --> 00:11:22,531
He's brought charm and individuality
into our lives.
182
00:11:23,284 --> 00:11:24,603
I wish we could keep him.
183
00:11:24,744 --> 00:11:25,813
Mmm.
184
00:11:30,503 --> 00:11:31,856
Well, that does it.
185
00:11:32,005 --> 00:11:34,838
I'm going to fire off
a strongly-worded letter to the editor.
186
00:11:35,052 --> 00:11:36,371
It's about time.
187
00:11:36,638 --> 00:11:39,072
That's the third day this week
that paper's been late.
188
00:11:39,267 --> 00:11:42,020
Yes, I can understand one day,
or even two, but...
189
00:11:43,565 --> 00:11:46,079
Well, well, listen to this, Morticia.
190
00:11:46,653 --> 00:11:50,566
"Organizer of the giant merger
is well-known tycoon
191
00:11:50,826 --> 00:11:52,418
"Rockland Cartwright ll."
192
00:11:53,372 --> 00:11:54,487
Does that ring a bell?
193
00:11:55,959 --> 00:11:57,187
Yes, I believe it does.
194
00:11:57,336 --> 00:12:01,090
That's your vulture's feeding bell.
I was talking about... Just a minute.
195
00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:06,653
-You rang?
-Yes, Lurch.
196
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,324
Would you be a good chap
and fetch me the registration slip
197
00:12:09,522 --> 00:12:11,353
on Rocky's motorcycle, please?
198
00:12:13,862 --> 00:12:15,659
Thank you, Lurch. You may go.
199
00:12:17,952 --> 00:12:20,420
Excellent servant.
Anticipates my every wish.
200
00:12:21,123 --> 00:12:22,602
And so cheerful, too.
201
00:12:23,293 --> 00:12:24,646
Just as I thought.
202
00:12:24,879 --> 00:12:26,995
Rockland Cartwright lll.
203
00:12:27,216 --> 00:12:29,207
And our tycoon is Rockland Cartwright ll.
204
00:12:29,386 --> 00:12:31,024
Obviously father and son.
205
00:12:32,516 --> 00:12:34,268
Darling, you're right again.
206
00:12:37,065 --> 00:12:39,295
Hey, Rocky, wanna help us
make some hand grenades?
207
00:12:39,485 --> 00:12:42,045
It's for a surprise attack. It'll be a blast.
208
00:12:42,907 --> 00:12:45,660
Look, the only blast
that I'm doing is off this pad.
209
00:12:46,037 --> 00:12:47,186
You mean you're cutting out?
210
00:12:47,331 --> 00:12:48,810
WEDNESDAY: Please stay, Rocky.
211
00:12:48,958 --> 00:12:50,107
Stay here?
212
00:12:50,377 --> 00:12:53,130
Look, nothing, but nothing,
could make me stay here.
213
00:12:59,725 --> 00:13:00,794
ROCKY: My dad!
214
00:13:01,895 --> 00:13:03,613
Except for one thing,
and he's heading for this door.
215
00:13:03,773 --> 00:13:06,003
-Who's that?
-Never mind. But look, kids...
216
00:13:06,193 --> 00:13:07,592
Look, he's gonna ask for me,
217
00:13:07,738 --> 00:13:10,457
so you kids tell him
you never saw me before. Dig?
218
00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:13,735
Well?
219
00:13:14,874 --> 00:13:16,865
Gee, Rocky, we couldn't do that.
220
00:13:17,044 --> 00:13:18,477
It would be lying.
221
00:13:19,047 --> 00:13:21,402
So what? Look, kids, I'm in a tough spot.
222
00:13:24,222 --> 00:13:27,339
Mr. Cartwright, your son has run away
three times already.
223
00:13:31,733 --> 00:13:34,008
Sergeant,
I've just got to find that son of mine.
224
00:13:34,195 --> 00:13:35,947
So this time I'll do all the talking.
225
00:13:36,115 --> 00:13:39,187
-You just try to look halfway intelligent.
-Yes, Mr. Cartwright.
226
00:13:44,628 --> 00:13:47,381
Well, well. Hello, children.
227
00:13:48,509 --> 00:13:53,219
Have you seen a young man with
a black jacket and a black leather cap?
228
00:13:56,522 --> 00:13:57,875
Carrying a guitar?
229
00:14:02,907 --> 00:14:04,625
Riding a motorcycle?
230
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:07,792
Riding a motorcycle?
231
00:14:07,956 --> 00:14:10,106
That's right. Have you seen him?
232
00:14:10,794 --> 00:14:11,909
-Nope.
-Nope.
233
00:14:20,559 --> 00:14:21,787
Another blank.
234
00:14:22,103 --> 00:14:24,492
But I know he was last seen
in this neighborhood.
235
00:14:24,690 --> 00:14:26,760
-Put on another five men.
-Yes, sir.
236
00:14:28,572 --> 00:14:30,324
Things are heating up a bit.
237
00:14:31,785 --> 00:14:34,345
Okay, bring on the hand grenades.
238
00:14:34,581 --> 00:14:35,696
-Wild.
-Wild.
239
00:14:48,811 --> 00:14:51,086
Darling, did you notice this?
240
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,072
Today is Rocky's birthday.
241
00:14:54,236 --> 00:14:55,794
By George, that's true.
242
00:14:55,989 --> 00:14:58,184
Darling, he's done so many nice things
for us.
243
00:14:58,368 --> 00:15:01,280
I think the least we could do
is give him a surprise birthday party.
244
00:15:01,498 --> 00:15:02,647
Capital.
245
00:15:02,791 --> 00:15:06,261
Now, let's see, there'll be ourselves
and the children,
246
00:15:06,505 --> 00:15:10,134
and Uncle Fester, and Lurch,
and Rocky's father...
247
00:15:10,387 --> 00:15:11,456
Rocky's father?
248
00:15:11,597 --> 00:15:15,909
Well, of course. It wouldn't be
the boy's birthday without his father here.
249
00:15:16,479 --> 00:15:17,548
Yes.
250
00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:21,679
By thunder, I can't wait to see
the expression on old Cartwright's face
251
00:15:21,904 --> 00:15:23,178
when we tell him.
252
00:15:24,951 --> 00:15:26,020
What?
253
00:15:27,329 --> 00:15:28,887
Yes, you're quite right.
254
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,554
I'd love to attend my son's birthday party.
255
00:15:31,753 --> 00:15:32,868
Where?
256
00:15:34,925 --> 00:15:37,758
Don't worry. I'll be there all right.
257
00:15:42,728 --> 00:15:45,083
Even over the phone breeding will tell.
258
00:15:45,608 --> 00:15:47,360
Like father, like son.
259
00:15:48,154 --> 00:15:51,226
Now, darling, we want this
to be a real surprise to Rocky.
260
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:55,212
So I'll instruct the children
to keep it an absolute secret.
261
00:15:55,457 --> 00:15:59,166
They're not to tell a living soul,
or anyone else, for that matter.
262
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:05,228
-We know a secret.
-We know a secret.
263
00:16:05,430 --> 00:16:07,944
-We know a secret.
-We know a secret.
264
00:16:08,143 --> 00:16:09,417
Satan's coming to dinner.
265
00:16:09,562 --> 00:16:10,961
That was last week.
266
00:16:12,566 --> 00:16:14,363
Look, I'm gonna lay a little secret
on you, kids.
267
00:16:14,528 --> 00:16:17,088
I am gonna blow this popcorn stand.
268
00:16:17,282 --> 00:16:18,715
We thought you liked it here.
269
00:16:18,868 --> 00:16:20,540
You just can't go.
270
00:16:21,455 --> 00:16:22,649
Why not?
271
00:16:22,791 --> 00:16:25,225
'Cause we're having a birthday party
for you.
272
00:16:25,587 --> 00:16:28,659
But we're not supposed to tell you
'cause it's a surprise.
273
00:16:29,509 --> 00:16:31,181
A birthday party for me?
274
00:16:33,224 --> 00:16:34,259
For me?
275
00:16:34,768 --> 00:16:36,724
Sure, Rocky. It's your birthday.
276
00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:41,398
Well, you kids laid a big favor on me.
277
00:16:41,612 --> 00:16:44,490
I guess I can do the same for you.
I'll stick around.
278
00:16:44,950 --> 00:16:46,099
PUGSLEY: Good!
279
00:17:27,975 --> 00:17:29,249
Follow me.
280
00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:41,689
LURCH: Wait here.
281
00:17:42,832 --> 00:17:45,426
Who's the manager
of this broken-down funhouse?
282
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:21,842
No need to tell us, sir.
Rockland Cartwright ll,
283
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:24,266
allow me
to present my lovely wife, Morticia.
284
00:18:24,438 --> 00:18:25,587
Never mind that.
285
00:18:25,732 --> 00:18:27,882
Where is that good-for-nothing son
of mine?
286
00:18:28,069 --> 00:18:30,458
Mr. Cartwright, what charming modesty.
287
00:18:30,656 --> 00:18:32,567
I demand that you release him...
288
00:18:35,539 --> 00:18:36,972
Good heavens, another one.
289
00:18:37,124 --> 00:18:38,876
You can call me Uncle Fester.
290
00:18:39,044 --> 00:18:40,762
I'd rather call the Marines.
291
00:18:42,424 --> 00:18:44,301
Now you get Rocky out here this minute
or I'll...
292
00:18:44,469 --> 00:18:46,141
Oh, no, that would spoil everything.
293
00:18:46,305 --> 00:18:48,455
You are going to be the big surprise.
294
00:18:48,684 --> 00:18:52,233
You see, the plan is for you
to hide behind the aspidistra.
295
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:55,405
I did not come here to play games.
296
00:19:03,374 --> 00:19:05,171
Behind the aspidistra.
297
00:19:09,383 --> 00:19:11,294
Bully for you, Uncle Fester!
298
00:19:11,470 --> 00:19:14,348
Oh, come on, Gomez.
You got to do it last time.
299
00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:17,170
All right, Fester, have a go at it.
300
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,549
Rocky?
301
00:19:23,238 --> 00:19:25,513
Would you come down here
a minute, dear?
302
00:19:29,372 --> 00:19:31,283
All right, Fester, let her rip.
303
00:19:40,765 --> 00:19:41,993
GOMEZ: Happy birthday.
304
00:19:44,479 --> 00:19:47,391
Like a solid riff for another year,
Rocksville.
305
00:19:48,068 --> 00:19:49,581
Thank you, Mr. Addams.
306
00:19:51,615 --> 00:19:52,968
Lay it on me, Rock.
307
00:19:53,118 --> 00:19:54,756
Like we're the samesville.
308
00:19:55,455 --> 00:20:00,131
And now, scattered about,
very cleverly concealed, are your gifts.
309
00:20:00,421 --> 00:20:02,332
All you have to do is find them.
310
00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:03,868
Go on to it, Rock.
311
00:20:15,986 --> 00:20:18,181
This is what I've always wanted, too.
312
00:20:19,617 --> 00:20:23,246
-These are the best presents I ever...
-Wait, Rock. There's one more.
313
00:20:23,915 --> 00:20:25,064
Yes. Go look.
314
00:20:28,297 --> 00:20:29,969
You're getting cool, dear.
315
00:20:32,053 --> 00:20:33,725
Now you're getting warmer.
316
00:20:37,186 --> 00:20:38,824
Much warmer.
317
00:20:40,608 --> 00:20:42,007
You're getting hot.
318
00:20:42,903 --> 00:20:43,938
Very hot.
319
00:20:47,118 --> 00:20:48,437
You're burning up.
320
00:20:57,175 --> 00:20:58,688
Thanks a lot, Mr. and Mrs. Addams, you...
321
00:20:58,845 --> 00:21:00,995
Nonsense. We've already been thanked.
322
00:21:02,809 --> 00:21:05,482
Come on, Son.
I'm getting you out of this rookery.
323
00:21:05,689 --> 00:21:08,249
Listen, knock it off.
These people are my friends.
324
00:21:08,443 --> 00:21:10,593
Friends? Why, they're a bunch of kooks.
325
00:21:10,780 --> 00:21:13,055
Well, they're my kind of kooks
and they dig me the way I am.
326
00:21:13,242 --> 00:21:14,800
No rebuild jobs like...
327
00:21:16,622 --> 00:21:18,772
Okay, okay. Bring on the handcuffs.
328
00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:24,607
No more handcuffs, son.
329
00:21:26,638 --> 00:21:28,196
Key to your motorcycle.
330
00:21:28,724 --> 00:21:31,158
You're free to go, if that's what you want.
331
00:21:32,856 --> 00:21:34,289
That's what I want.
332
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:36,679
I'll grab my gear.
333
00:21:43,623 --> 00:21:46,421
CARTWRlGHT: You people
accepted the boy just as he is.
334
00:21:48,923 --> 00:21:51,153
I tried to press him into a mold.
335
00:21:53,221 --> 00:21:56,418
If there's a kook around here,
it must be me.
336
00:21:57,394 --> 00:22:00,943
-Well, I'll get out of your hair.
-Dad.
337
00:22:02,736 --> 00:22:05,204
You going my way?
338
00:22:15,631 --> 00:22:18,350
Got a present for you, pal. There you go.
339
00:22:20,388 --> 00:22:21,457
Dad.
340
00:22:24,436 --> 00:22:26,188
And this is for you, sawed-off.
341
00:22:26,356 --> 00:22:27,869
Thanks, Rocky.
342
00:22:28,776 --> 00:22:30,209
Well, so long, Rock.
343
00:22:30,362 --> 00:22:31,715
Take it easy, kids.
344
00:22:44,342 --> 00:22:46,856
Curly, there you go.
345
00:22:50,268 --> 00:22:53,658
Mr. and Mrs. Addams, you...
You cats are all right.
346
00:23:03,998 --> 00:23:07,070
Something fine and gracious
has gone out of our lives.
347
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:08,955
Right.
348
00:23:09,297 --> 00:23:10,366
Right.
349
00:23:10,716 --> 00:23:11,785
Right.
350
00:23:12,052 --> 00:23:13,087
Right.
351
00:23:27,159 --> 00:23:28,228
Darling?
352
00:23:28,828 --> 00:23:32,616
Are you sure that Zen-Yogi exercise
is good for your mind?
353
00:23:34,169 --> 00:23:36,205
It really keeps you on your toes.
354
00:23:37,884 --> 00:23:39,442
Yes, I suppose it does.
355
00:23:40,429 --> 00:23:43,068
Anything interesting
in the paper tonight, dear?
356
00:23:44,936 --> 00:23:46,164
Nothing much.
357
00:23:46,898 --> 00:23:49,128
A few riots, a few revolutions.
358
00:23:52,114 --> 00:23:53,263
Oh-ho.
359
00:23:53,408 --> 00:23:56,047
Says here
that Rocky's joined his father's firm.
360
00:23:56,997 --> 00:23:59,147
I do hope the work doesn't throw him.
361
00:23:59,876 --> 00:24:01,514
Don't worry, querida mia.
362
00:24:01,963 --> 00:24:04,955
That's a boy with his feet firmly planted
on the ground.
363
00:24:06,094 --> 00:24:07,652
Just like you, darling.
364
00:24:10,685 --> 00:24:12,755
A pleasant noise. What is it?
365
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,116
That's what happens
when you have a loose nut.
366
00:24:29,116 --> 00:24:39,116
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